Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I need moral support for this bender
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize