Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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