Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize