first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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