Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
