I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
