i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
