I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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