may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize