Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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