Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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