I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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