im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He did a backflip because drugs
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