Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
