I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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