my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
