Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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