i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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