guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
