I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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