Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
