just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
