just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
