I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
