You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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