you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
