Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
