hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
