We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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