It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
