I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
