Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
