i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I did not marry a roomba.
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