You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
