I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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