i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
