Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
