Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize