I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
