just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
