Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
