you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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