I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
