YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
