apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
it hurts more in the daytime
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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