Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
