bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
