By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
