You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
