so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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