everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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