Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
