if you like me you must not know who I am
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
