does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
