sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
