You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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