I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
