She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
