You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
