five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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