Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
