she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
