Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
