Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think my vagina is haunted
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
