You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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