it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
