It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
