I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You can't just leave with hair like that
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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