hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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