I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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