Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
