ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
