my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
