he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
