I hate all girls vehemently.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
