at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize