Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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