btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
