I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Randomize
