saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize