as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
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