She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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